It's a strange kind of peace

knowing nobody could hate you more than you yourself
nobody could think of a better insult,
a better name to call you,
you've thought of them all.
Nobody can bring you down further, dissapoint you more,
nobody could be more angry at you than you yourself are
And I know that I should still try to be better, if not for myself than for others
but I can't make myself promise to do that.
But I like the fact that I won't let the hate escape the source
because nobody deserves it but me
simply because i can't hate others if, by default, they're already better than me.
By my judgement.

So next time you think of something really good,
tell me to my face.
Tell me why I haven't had a boyfriend in a year, by your perception
tell me I'm a "fat whore"
Tell me I'm a bitch,
an ungrateful, horrible person
but look into my eyes while you do it

I want you to.
and I will have absolutely nothing negative to respond with.
I will literally feel no animosity towards you.
None.

I've finally learned where to direct the hatred.
and it's comforting