I had a thought

No no this one is actually kind of good, don't worry
It's good! It's good because it's clear. And I figured something out.
You can't understand how much it means to me that I figured this out..... It's a huge step in the right direction

I AM
I am split. I am split between two very clear, very defined things.
I AM
Happy. I am fun, i'm funny, i'm fun-loving. I kid. I joke. I mess. I run around, I laugh, I lie. What? Oh nothing. Forget that last one please..... I am a mask. I am a show and I like an audience. Oh yeah, high schools great! I'm in student council so that's cool.
BECAUSE
of my need for sanity. For my need for normalcy. For some inkling of distraction during the day. For Kim. For my peers and every single face that surrounds me that I need to pretend for. What's my line? What's the next scene? What am I expected to say? What should I say?
I am fake, false, and a liar. I smile. But everyone needs to be something during the daytime.


I AM
A mess. I am calculating, I am serious, I am stoic. I am insane. I am quiet. So quiet. I am introverted. I am shy. I am too too too emotional. I am this blog, every page of every journal, every damn lyric of his songs. I am brutally honest, and I don't give a damn about how anyone sees me. I have my friends and that's all I need. I am depressive, I am lonely, and I live in the past. I only come out at night. I scream, I cry, and I am sad, I am alone, but mostly, I'm angry. At my best, I live life gratefully and truly with zero regrets. I value those I love, and I know what I want and what I plan to do to get it. I am real. Living breathing, unforgiving and real. And when I look in the mirror, I recognize who looks back.

However, I'm not at my best. I'm at my core, absolute worst. I am living in an enviroment that allows the existance of the first half, the daytime. I am split.

Now, I have to choose a side. Because I can't have a foot in each corner.