someday

"All too often we take the little Sparrow for granted - small though she may be, she is certainly powerful. It is her slightness in size that gives her advantages. She reminds us we do not have to have the big stuff (cars, houses, etc.) to be important, and we do not have to have the loudest voice in order be heard. "

i have

a tremendous swelling hope
for sophomore year

whats that

weird feeling

oh

jealously
regret
confusion

night

So,

I survived

i fucking hate the new you

Sorry

Everytime you log off

and i'm stuck here in this cold house
with only the flawed way i can remember everyone's voice
not well enough, not convincing at all
I can remember the shape of my days and the muted pulse that pulls me through
it feels like sand in my fingers and more sand coming

everytime you do that you leave me without wings
without a lifeline, or connection to anything
i'm like a cartoon in the stratosphere, giving that comically horrified glance to the audience, and then youre back

and i breathe

and i wonder how and when i got this lonely

friday

in may
strep makes me quieter, tired, and i eat almost nothing
i still feel like friends are like daisies crawling up through concrete
sparse.... few and far between
i don't care about my hair anymore
and i let my nails chip and grow
i'm going to download more yeasayer,
go to a student council banquet just because i can
without a bit of inhibition
i've got a stretch of summer and a room to clean
dusty sunshine fills my room,
i'll get my books back and take my antibiotics...
and i rather like the girl i'm becoming
the girl i am

Haha

Let him win

You've got to be good looking cause you're so hard to see

shit, why do i like you again?
oh thats right
you're funny
you also care about nothing
funny thing is, you could be so much worse,
you could be

God, i hate

general negativity everywhere i turn
i really, really hate it

come summer, so i can sleep
see few faces, and retreat
into a thoughtless ease where i only have to concentrate
on those select three
so i can try to regroup
before dreaded 1st semester
before the circle completes and repeats
and i have to just start over
before fall phases and empty winter, dead trees
before all these days bleed and i wake up with no peace
just come summer
so i can rest and recover
and pretend that its really that easy

just let me go away
i'm packed
i'm down
whenever

im a good kid

and you think very highly of me
so i should be a good kid
so i can think very highly of me, too
and know that you arent mistaken

You know that phrase

"If you murdered me, I'd worry about getting blood on your carpet"
Well
We both know you didn't exactly murder me
and I didn't exactly mind getting blood on your carpet

But then maybe
in the afterlife............
i'd see you and we would start talking about my new shoes
and eat chips and salsa and smile and in the end
it doesn't matter who murdered who or how much blood i got on your carpet
just matters that we're together again at all

and that's how i see it,
and that's why you're not alone

Somewhere inside

I'm dress shopping for promotion dance