I want to be

in a really cold park
with a glass river and black trees
at 2 in the morning

I want to wear sunglasses as evening breaks,
hold your head in my lap at a symphony in a pretty dress,
and cut out red paper hearts to pin to your wall

I want month old skittles and bittersweet mountain dew,
a tabby cat and too much makeup
I want the only person who's ever really seen me cry,
to see me cry

Because these days I'm often alone
and I want to return to having something to rely on
like a strawberry blonde girl in 6th period
and the sense of a phantom hand forever locked in mine

And I want to be with you

What color is your soul?

Oh

look at those colors
blue punching purple and sewing violin notes into my saturated skin
whining and wallowing and whispering violin chords into my blue red black white skin
lovely

the past in pictures
im laughing
the present has no such representation
just a heartbeat and a steady tick tock
its okay
im laughing

feels

less like limbo
and more like solid ground

and hazy dreams of vivid green trees
and a soft summer breeze and effortless ease
no longer feel like their from a different world

now that all the ice has melted,
it might just be very real, indeed
and it feels like love, i'll show you why

I love YOU and your autumn eyes and your prose,
your gentle courage and unshielded heavy heart
your smirk i'd know anywhere and teal and grey
love that you're the opposite side of the coin that's right when i'm wrong,
and i swear to god, you're so very strong, love that sorry was somehow enough
and i cant help but think there might be something more to grey than you think

I love YOU and your dancer legs and your comforting gaze
love your eyes of springtime and blue skies you have to work for
love that you're at the top of my list, love that you're a bar to reach
love that you guide me to lighter, brighter, taller, better
love that sunshine inside you that surrounds you and you glowwith it
your green growth like tall forests of unrelenting life inside
green, it's the color of healing, you're the color of healing

I love YOU and your summer skin and your freckled nose
your tears and your teeth, bony fingers and knobby knees
love the see-saw we sit on, love the conflicts we sift through
love that despite everything i still need you
and you need me too
i love the love that spells "everlasting",
like the blending of red and blue that connects me to you

i love you and i love me and i love this life i landed in,
and i know it's as perfect as every life before it

I'm goodness

and goodness is me
it's something to strive for
taking "integrity", dropping it, holding on
smiling a second longer, thinking farther,
saying tiny nice things because i know it makes a difference
this is like my daily goal
it's springtime mackenzie with blue nails and fresh perspective
i feel like its a nice direction to take
it already tops my past mentalities
that all, somehow, we're hyper focused on me alone
what's surprising though, is that it isn't difficult
at all
and with every "would you like me to..." and every "cute shoes!",
i feel a little lighter
all the drops of sorrow leftover,
every self-pity, every battle scar fades like weak stain
and is replaced by new clean summer skin and honestly open eyes

i would compare it to my dream of gliding through the sky
and skimming the earths surface with closed eyes, bathed in warmth
going anywhere at all with my brand new wing span,
just because i could
because i can
because i am

That shimmering blue

on our nails gives me hope, you know
like our wing rings like our blue eyes
like my old shirts looking better on you
so different we are, so different
but with our opposite hands intwined its nice to feel similarity

everlasting friend
that means forever
i'm pretty sure

war
hate
sadness
"double maxi pad with wings"

done being defensive

just.... use your words

talk

talk

talk